Committing to and remembering the changes you want to make are fundamental to achieving your goals but I certainly don’t have all of the answers and we could all use a little help from time to time.
So here on the support page we are going to share books and resources we have found useful, whether for inspiration, motivation or day to day tips and techniques.
Feel free to send us your suggestions so we can include them and support the Strive community.
The Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey.
The Secret by Rhonda Byrne
I fully recognise that some people will find this “a bit out there!” I cant fully explain it but whether Byrne’s view has any scientific basis or not I know that in my experience people who expect to succeed and approach everything positively with success in mind tend to be successful. It is inspirational – take what you can from it.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families by Stephen Covey
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families presents a side to Covey which I hadn’t imagined and which made this book even more compelling for me; and I think for you. Through anecdotes from his family and his own honesty he is shown to be as flawed as the rest of us. A man just as guilty of mistakes, frustration and temper as any normal person. Yet a man able to acknowledge his mistakes, take responsibility for them, apologise and take action to be better. The seven habits here are framed in the family context; relating to parent, spouse and sibling relationships.
The Foreword alone by Covey’s wife, Sandra, will captivate as you as will the next chapter YOU’RE GOING TO BE “OFF TRACK” 90 PERCENT OF THE TIME. SO WHAT?
Then before you even get to the habits the concept of a “pause button” alone makes the book worthwhile and is exactly what my Strive band helps me achieve – that moment between stimulus and response. Staying on course rather than being reactive.
I don’t want to preach but I believe this is an invaluable resource they its easy to relate to.
Drive by Daniel H Pink
This book comes with a lot of hype, it was a New York Times top 10 bestseller and has been described as a “bucket list” book for everyone from managers to parents.
The book begins by examining traditional motivational tools – mainly carrot and stick type approaches. It goes on to give an overview of various studies based on what it term motivation 2.0 models including scenarios where this type of motivation does and doesn’t work. Ultimately it concludes that it is an outdated mode of motivation; blaming this on its reliance of extrinsic motivation.
It then introduces a different perspective on motivation, “motivation 3.0”, tapping into a individuals intrinsic motivation – summarising that an individual will be naturally motivated if the task meets certain criteria and ultimately taps into their intrinsic motivation.
The three key elements that Pink alludes to are:
Autonomy – people want control over what they do
Mastery – the desire to get better and better at something that matters
Purpose – the pursuit of a greater objective.
It is the combination of these 3 elements that ignite the highest level of motivation in our workforce or indeed children. However even tapping into individual elements can achieve greater results than traditional methods.
The book provides extensive examples and studies of where this motivational method has worked and referencing various psychologists who have conducted the studies. For an academic wanting to pursue the background that’s fine but for the average reader it’s probably a little too much.
I found the book very useful in further understanding my teams and children and definitely picked up some useful tools – at the end of the book is a really useful toolkit describing/applying the theory in different scenarios from “ways to improve your company” to “Type 1 for parents and educators – seven ideas for helping our kids”
This toolkit is something I have and will continually refer back to as a refresher on what is fundamentally a very useful approach.
Even if you find some passages heavy stick with it for a refreshing and practical approach to motivation that works.
Write from the Start by Ion Teodorescu
My six year struggled with his hand writing; it was messy and put him off doing his homework. I bought this set and introduced it as some fun activity books (which they are) After the first time he tried it he said “thanks for getting me the activity book dad, even though I know its a handwriting book really” My heart sank a little as I hoped he would give it a chance. He did and kept doing a few pages everyday, with no complaint and quite a bit of enthusiasm. Only 3 weeks after starting he got a head teachers award for the improvement in his writing. I’m amazed, he still ahs some way to go but the transformation has been fantastic. The books are recommended from the age of three and his little sister will certainly start these as soon as she can. From a child’s perspective they are just drawing so I won’t wait for her to struggle, better to build the skills and confidence from the start.
You Can Be Happy No Matter What by Richard Carlson
I must confess I love this book. I re-read it often and also have it as an audio book and sometimes listen to it on long car journeys if I’m on my own.
So many of us link happiness to things and situations – if I had X I’d be happy, if I achieve Y I’d be happy, if I could be in Z I’d be happy. The problem is when is enough enough. The thought processes and drives which say “I’ll be happy when have X” don’t stop when you have X so you end up constantly dissatisfied, constantly chasing the next “thing”.
In this book Richard Carlson introduces us to 5 principle aspects of healthy psychological functioning – a nice feeling.
- – Thinking
– Moods
– Separate psychological realities
– Feelings
– Present moment
During the course of this book we learn that our thoughts determine our feelings and so we need to be aware of our thoughts and let them come and go without taking them to heart. We learn that moods, your emotional status, fluctuate continuously and that things look worse when you are in a low mood. No prizes for that but he also explains that you can’t think your way out of a low mood and that it is better to let it pass rather than dwell on it.
We need to understand that we are all individuals and each have our own reality based on our own thought systems so no two people will perceive any situation identically or have identical beliefs. To improve our happiness and relationships we must acknowledge this and not try to impose our world view on others and judge them from our perspective.
Or feelings are the barometer of our psychological functioning and the result not the cause of our thoughts. Our feelings serve as a warning our thinking is off track.
Living in the moment rather than focusing on the past or the future will allow us to be happier.
Using these principles as explained can help you improve relationships and problem solving, deal with stress, bad habits and addictions.
Undoubtedly there will be some things that you say “Yeah, yeah, that’s obvious” but I guarantee most people will not already be putting these principles into practices. Doing so will give you a healthy sense of perspective and help you lighten up and be happier.
Keep it with you, read often.
How Children Succeed by Paul Tough
Whilst I am not suggesting you entirely change your approach to parenting this book highlights how much of the current focus on cognitive stimulation provides an initial advantage which is not sustained. The author shows that other aspects of the child’s upbringing and skillset are just as important; that teaching perseverance and conscientiousness can be more important.
We are shown how all manner of programmes and reforms targeting improving results from schools in disadvantaged areas failed and that the child’s upbringing was a key factor. We are told that a traumatic childhood can have a lasting negative impact and that children are especially vulnerable to stress. Indeed that stress hormones can take a toll on the brain causing a lack of impulse control leading to high risk behaviours which in turn can alter the trajectory of the rest of their lives.
The good news is that parents can negate or reduce the effects of stress by being especially attentive and nurturing. So rather than focusing purely on cognitive stimulation providing a safe platform from which to learn can be significant.
Another study shows that while high school graduates (it is American) do better than drop outs later in life is not because of intelligence but because of higher perseverance, so teaching aspects of character can be as important as cognitive skills in predicting future success.
Schools which have begun teaching “character” including things like self regulation and an energetic and excited approach to life have seen promising results.
And now the shock and wake up call. It is not just children from disadvantaged families who may suffer from poor parenting; it just manifest in different ways. Children from wealthy families can suffer from parenting which is over protective but creates a lot of performance pressure. This creates a fear of failure and a low tolerance for dealing with adversity – not what is needed later in life.
I wouldn’t suggest you stop with baby Einsteins or the Kumon if that’s your thing but these insights provide a basis for developing rounded resilient individuals. At the end of the day there is only so much we can do and our children have to find their own way in life. Building their character may just be the gift that keeps on giving.