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I was talking to a friend the other day about Strive. He was saying ”I like it but hey I never loose it with my kids”. That’s great I thought but it’s not really the point.
From the outset when I wanted to change the way I related to my son it was not because I kept turning into the grim reaper every time he mis-behaved. So I don’t want to give anyone the wrong idea.
Look clearly there are moments when some parents really lose their temper and then regret it. Of course anything which helps prevent that has value and I know some parents have said a Strive band is great for that.
However far more common (I hope) are the situations which I often found myself in which would range from raising my voice or sending him to his room to just fobbing him off or undermining / under-valuing him.
When you read about parenting and general positive, principle based, behaviours you realise even the fobbing off or ignoring someone can have a major impact. So just acknowledging behaviour, valuing contributions from children or colleagues even if you decide not to go with their view has a tremendously positive effect on them.
So whilst undoubtedly the Strive band can and does help at the point of losing control its greatest value lies in the reminder, the positive re-enforcement to make good choice that will have a positive effect on your life and others.
Austrian psychologist Viktor Frankl said:
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

This is the central point of the Strive band. Use the Strive band as a visual cue to expand that moment between stimulus and response, to take a moment to choose. Then we can shift from reaction to positive choice and make good decisions without regret – we can be the better selves we want to be.

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